One of the hardest things we are faced with when dealing with difficult people or situations is how to best maneuver our emotions and our need to defend ourselves.

Whether it is a personal or business issue where you feel you have been wronged or misjudged you will need to navigate those rough waves of anger that can overcome you. Learning to hold back and knowing when to speak your truth are essential skills needed in both real estate and in your personal life.

One of the most important steps you must take when dealing with the internal struggle you may be having trying to decide whether you should speak your truth or simply hold back is to analyze the benefits and costs of doing either.

Here is a good example of what this looks like: You are driving down the road and you see someone throw a cup out the window of their car. At that moment you are probably surprised and upset that someone has just so blatantly littered without any regard to how that might affect the person driving behind them. At that moment you have a decision to make, do you hold back and do nothing, or do you speak your truth. Sometimes however, speaking your truth requires effort and that may not be something you want to do or have the time to do. You may be on the way to an appointment and don’t have time to give it any more of your energy or thought. So, in this case you decide to NOT speak your truth or take any action.

Now imagine the same thing has happened but that cup hit your windshield and it was full of a coffee-like substance that created an instant film on your windshield that caused you to almost lose control of your vehicle. Would you hold back now, would you do nothing? Probably NOT. In this situation you may try to get the vehicles license number to report to the police or you may even call 911 alerting them to this in hopes they could catch the person responsible. You sure don’t want to hold back now because you have been personally affected–and put in danger–more than the previous example.

When you are faced with a difficult situation and you need to evaluate what to do, here are some tips on how I decide whether to hold back or to speak up.

Scenario: If you speak up, it will harm you or another person and could put you or that person in danger.

Hold Back: There is no reason to speak up to the person who is causing you the stress if to do so would harm you in any way.

Scenario: If you don’t speak up, the person will continue the same behavior.

Speak Up: When someone does something to you that is not acceptable to you and you do NOT speak up, they assume they can repeat the same behavior. This is when you must speak up.

Scenario: If you don’t speak up, the person may not think they did anything wrong.

Speak Up: It is so important to let others know how their behavior has affected you. Many of the strongest relationships come from honest communication. If this person matters to you then take the time to enlighten them about how their behavior has impacted you.

Scenario: If you speak up, you will breach a person’s privacy or trust.

Hold Back: There are times when your desire to speak up and be heard can do more damage if you have promised someone that you would not speak about something they discussed with you. Learn how to use discretion and truly analyze your motives for wanting to speak up. This is time to hold back. 

Speak Up: If the person is in danger, then you must speak up. 

When dealing with difficult situations it is really important to give yourself the time needed to calm down and then to take action. When I am upset I try to put some time distance between the issue or event and my decision making. It is amazing what a good night sleep will do, or a walk, or a break to calm yourself.

Whatever you decide try to always weigh the pros and cons of holding back or speaking your truth.

Speaking up and being strong isn’t easy for everyone. That I why I am so happy to announce that in just a few weeks I will be holding a very special class co-taught by Jay Agoado to help agents in the field with this very issue.

Speak Up and Make More Money will be unlike any class you have taken before. We are going to be getting into the nitty-gritty of conflict, speaking your truth, and finding resolution in everything from conflict with your clients, with other agents, in a presentation, and more. We are going to get uncomfortable with the goal of moving forward towards resolution. We have fewer than 20 seats left for this class, so make sure you reserve yours today!

Join us at the Lynnwood Convention Center September 22^nd -23^rd for our Conflict Workshop with Denise and Jay Agoado to learn how to Speak Up and Make More Money!